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madame
hi there, this is me, the owner, CADEN YAP a.k.a the singapore no.1 bastard
birthday falls on 24th MARCH every year


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Saturday, December 24, 2005 3:58 AM
wah. sobs. sobs. yesterday sucks. out of the four things i have to do, i did two nia. and that is to go for the meeting and to meet the other person with much effort. lols. wells, i was seriously happy that i met that person though. haha. i reached home around 12plus in the middle of the night. consider early bahs. hais. but what to do,i don't even know what is the last train to leave Yishun. haha. saw ETHEL, AMBERT, ALWYN and AIDAN while waiting for that person. lols. two of them bought gifts bahs. then the other two were hanging around. bad seh. hais. wanted to join them, but then, forget it. i got something more important to do. lols. anyway, i didn't go dating la. hais.

later will stay at home the whole day bahs. it's christmas eve, and what can i expect? nothing. sian. this few years, after i left home, everything is like, changed. i'm spending every festival the way i spend on normal days. can you imagine how bored it is? lols. and moreover, i'm a loner. don't really hang out with my friends. sigh. worst, the performance is cancelled. the plan that i worked out has all gone into the drain. ARGH! so this Sunday, other than going to church, i'm going out with my MEIS and that's how i spend my CHRISTMAS. not bad right. lols. i don't feel any excitement at all. is it that the society is changing or is it that i'm getting numb with my feelings? perhaps the second reason bahs. sigh.

i might not be going online for a few days bahs. not sure yet. my internet, i think is because i used it like 24HOURS PER DAY. so, you see, of course the provider will bu shuang la. lols. *TALKING CRAB* nowadays going back to the gong me liao. everything is still messed up. and i'm getting tired easily. my eyes just want to close. do not know the reason, but the moment i got onto my bed, i can't get to sleep at all, and i will start to think of things that are WEIRD and STUPID! hmph. whatever, i'm going to spend my time well.

went to POPULAR yesterday, and bought a few items. i can only say that, this is the least i bought. over the years, before i left home, i spent more than 50dollars on the stationaries in half a year. and when i left home, my spending is like only 20dollars. lols. cool right? haha. wells, still got things i have yet to buy. wonder when i can have the energy to go arhs. not yet bought my pencil case, a new bag, my uniform. and my dad was telling me, you go buy the uniform first lor. then, i see whether i want to sponsor. i was like. ARGH! i'm going broke this month with people borrowing from me money. lol. i don't mind actually, but somehow, i became a decent loanshark lor. hais.

sorry for not being there when you need someone to chat with. bleahs. enjoy yourself later. and an advanced MERRY CHRISTMAS! take care and finish up your homework wor, got anything you don't know can ask me. i will try to help as much as i can.

whatever you said, i tried to remember it. because it make a great impact on me. i know i had given up. because i no longer have the other kind of feeling. i insisted on the things that i want to do, is because i have my own reason. and i agree that i'm selfish bahs. and whether you want to let go, is up to you. i can't do much. i'm not trying to make you increase the feelings, but rather, to just do the things i'm supposed to do. just take it as you never told me that you **** me lor. hmm, can't remember what to say liao. hais. whatever it is, just enjoy your Christmas. and take care too.

i'm glad that i'm ignoring my feelings. the feeling when you ignored it, it's like, you can do other things better lor. i like it now, i like it this way. though sometimes, i tend to think further away, i will make sure i captured my thoughts with what i'm supposed to do. and yeah, other then homework and the special people in my heart, i'm having a project. lols. all about video. actually, i don't like to learn the terms and all that, i just want to take any shots that i like, and with just the basic, i want to serve in the ministry. perhaps, i should go and pray about this bahs. i cannot have this mindset liao. i CANNOT! this course, i'm going to hang on til the end. wahaha! JIAYOU for myself.